We talked about old times
And it made me smile because you didn't forget
Roy Chong
30th May 1985
roy_cmh@yahoo.com.sg
Thursday, April 29, 2004, 11:36 pm
another booooorrrrriiiiinnnnnggggg day..................................... damn boring sia.... whole day nothing to do... wake up, wake tv, then sit infront of computer again..... played gunbound again..... reaching metal axe soon!!! so exciting!!! i feel like going KTV!!!! but like nobody wanna go like that..... hai...... suddenly i feel like i really got no friends lor.... i see everyone like got best friends, best pals and best buddies..... but me, i like don't have lor..... maybe last time have, trina..... but then she go australia already.... so, its left with me alone.... even if she is here, i find that she is drifting away from me...... hai....... y is my life so sucky??? i feel very lonely......... no friends at all..... all those people i regard as best friends, all like heck care me..... they got their own programs.... hai....
yesterday talked to Zhen Hui about friends..... then i told her about my situation in my grp of so called best friends.... suddenly feel so sad..... am i really in that group of friends? i seriously doubt so..... i seem to not know a single thing about wat is happening, but in there, there seem to be things going on..... then i think about incidents that happened..... still remember that time somebody's bday celebration.... then like everyone knows about the plan on where to meet and wat time..... even the person that is like not even in the group knows it lor.... only i dunno..... that feeling is bad.... real bad........ and still remember that time when staying at one of their house due to renovation.... that was really a bad experience... i found out a lot of things lor.... and i also found out the position i am in the grp..... still remember when two of them came over to swim, then they like treat me invisible one lor..... hai..... lucky my another friend, who is not in the grp, is there to accompany me...... should i leave the grp???? sometimes i really wonder, even if i leave, they also will not bother one lor..... its always like that.... when someone other than me cannot make it for any outing, the whole grp will be like no mood to go out.... but when i cannot make it, they still like can go out to happy one lor..... hai...... nvm........ its all fated....... the one thing that i regreted most, is knowing them, and making my life so miserable.......
sometimes i really feel like dying eariler..... get away from this messy, boring and sucky life of mine....
typing out this blog post really is making me feel very emotional suddenly..... it made me think of a lot of thngs lor....... this life of mine.... maybe i have to live this life all alone...... hope to find the other half of me fast..... if not, ah pa, please let me die an early death..... i don't wanna live life if its so miserable...............
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